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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Grieving

I stood before a group of strangers. The only people I knew in the room were the people sitting in the front pew, my mother and father, my two uncles and my sister, and the woman sitting on the opposite side of the aisle, my grandfather's second wife. And while the tears streamed down our faces she never shed one. I don't know if she was grieving inside and I am not sure if she cared that my heart was breaking.

I stood when it seemed I had no choice and I walked to the front of the church and spoke. I still don't know if I spoke to my family or to the strangers or maybe to this woman who seemed so cold and uncaring.

I spoke of a grandfather who is missed more than seems bearable. I spoke of the best hugs in the world. I spoke of a caring and loving man who's physical heart at last gave up, but who's heart he loved with will go on beating inside those he loved forever. I honored my grandfather as best I was able through the sobs that laid me bare, I honored him with my words and all the joy I have for the love of him and all the sadness for the loss of him. I did my best, and I think he would have been proud and pleased.

Grandpa, I love you and I miss you. I will live my life remembering all the lessons you taught me.

8 comments:

Simply Heather said...

Oh, Laura Jayne, you made me cry with you. I felt what you said here and I'm sure that you wonderfully shared meaning from his life at the ceremony.

Thinking of you ~Heather

Simply Heather said...

Oh~ A second thought to share...sometime during my day yesterday, you came to my mind {out of the blue}. I personally couldn't remember when you would be traveling for the ceremony, but The Lord most certainly reminded me. With the thought, I lifted you up to Him and I trust that He was comforting you just at that moment :o). Bless you, indeed, Laura Jayne!

cw2smom said...

He was surely proud! How brave you are to get up there and speak your heart! You have my sincere sympathy Laura! Blessings, Lisa

~ Denise ~ said...

So sad to hear of your loss. May God bless you with peace and comfort during your sadness. May you find joy remembering your grandfather!

The Johnstone's said...

Great words of emotion...it brings me back to when my Grandfather passed away, 4 years ago this past September shortly before my wedding day. It was a very hard loss for our family as he was the glue that kept us toghether. Thank you for reminding me that even though his heart physically gave way his heart of love still carriers on in each of us. Thank you!

shabby girl said...

I'm so sorry that you're hurting! But how lucky you are to have had that relationship with him; to know him, love him, and be loved by him.
It sounds like you have wonderful memories.

The Johnstone's said...

Laura Jayne...I wanted you to know that because of your sweet words of emotion I have included part of your recent blog in my own. Thank you again for reminding me to remember.

Simplicity said...

I was so sad to read about your loss. :( I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to stand in front of others on a day such as this.

Big virtual hugs going out to you...although I'm sure they won't compare to his...