Waldenstrom's macro-globulinemia has come back ten years after being pushed from my mother's body. She is young (now 58) and healthy and happy. And it has come back and taken her health with a vengence. Do you think it has a memory, it is a living thing seeking revenge for us trying to kill it ten years ago? She is in the hospital. The cancer is stopping her bones from making blood and so every moment when blood cells do what cells do in your body do and they die they are not being replaced with new cells. And the cancer is trying so very hard to kill her. The chemo will try very hard to kill the cancer. Again.
I can barely breath for the worry of it. It is so ominous, so horrendous to even consider. My mother is strong. My mother is a warrior. My mother is fighting this with a calm and peace that it amazing. She will take the poisonous chemo into her body and allow it to attack the cancer. I will try to offer her calm and peace and all my love as she does battle with this killer.
I can not comprehend a life without my mother in it. She is a force that is central to everything. And yet this returning cancer is wrapping its tentacles around our lives in the most insidious way. I will love her every moment with all my heart, for a moment is sometimes all we have. A thousand moments you take for granted or a single moment that you treasure and hold onto with all your might. They are gift afforded us by hope and sometime hindsight. I love my mother, she knows this. My mother loves me, I know this. The cancer has no power even as it does it worst for it can never kill our love.